A Cold Awakening
by babybel
Summary: KS ness all the way, read the first chapter for a summary!
1. Chapter 1

A Cold Awakening

Chapter One

"You wanna kiss me…you wanna hold me…you want to shag me" She sang into his ear as he leant over the bar to get his pint.

"Kerry you're drunk" Smithy said, stating the blind obvious.

Staring at him straight and smiling seductively, she whispered into his ear,

"That's never stopped you before, in fact if I remember rightly it made you want me more"

True, he thought but this had to stop however much he enjoyed it. Her liked her deep down more than just some one night stand and it hurt him to treat her the way he had even if he she had asked for it, literally!

"Kerry this has to stop" He said holding both of her arms firmly down by her side.

She said nothing instead she just looked at him again, but this time her face was not playful or flirty but it showed hurt and rejection. As she walked over to the table where her belongings lay she took one last look at Smithy standing there and walked out.

…

Back at home she looked into the mirror, her face looked flustered and red as she took her make up off. She knew he was right deep down and that neither of them could move on in life if they carried on the way they did, but it was the only thing she had to offer him. She took off her underwear and through it onto the floor. She had made such an effort tonight in order to please him and it was all in vain. Clambering into bed she wrapped the duvet around her bare body and closed her eyes, she felt ashamed of herself but something inside her made her want to do it every time and she just couldn't hold back. She was unsure of the amount of alcohol she had consumed that night but her head was telling her that it was a lot; something that she would pay for in the morning.

…

He walked past her house on the way home, if things had gone the way they usually went after a night out in the pub Smithy would most likely be in bed with Kerry but he was pretty certain things like that wouldn't happen again.

He wished she wouldn't act the way she did, it only made him angry with her; he knew she was worth so much more than a night of sex and it pained him when he succumbed to her charms. Part of him wanted to see if she was Ok but that would only lead them back to square one again and it wasn't worth it no matter how much he cared for her.

…

She vomited down the toilet and slowly pulled her head up, her heartbeat could be felt thumping away in her head and she was sure that this was payback. With the hangover came the embarrassment of being turned down last night by Smithy. She felt worthless, ugly and ashamed.

…

He looked at his watch as he stood in the briefing room; he could see Gina's anger and knew that if Kerry didn't arrive soon it wasn't worth her life to come in.

It was coming towards the end of briefing and there was still no sign of Kerry. Trying not to disturb Gina, Smithy took his phone out of his pocket and began to text Kerry behind his clipboard but before he could finish a slight commotion occurred in the corner of the room. It was Kerry. Without saying a word to her Gina gave Kerry the sternest of warnings and it was clear for all to see. Her eyes burned through Kerry with anger, but the thumping in her head and the embarrassment she felt towards Smithy was far worse. It was now the end of the briefing and the relief started to pour out, just as Kerry tried to mingle her way out of the door she was summoned by Gina to go to her superior's office.

Standing in front of the desk she felt like a child again getting told off by the teacher but lately this feeling was all to familiar. All of a sudden Gina broke out of her speech about the way in which Kerry acted and looked through the window. On the other side Smithy was peering in, thoughtful in face and guilty in eyes. Like a woman scorned Gina ushered him on with the flick of her hand and looked back at Kerry again. This time the intensity grew thicker as Gina stood up as if she was squaring up to Kerry,

"PC Young I hope I make myself clear in saying that you are to stay away from Sergeant Smith and I shall make this clear to him. He has a bright future as a police officer unlike some of my relief and I don't want you to be the cause of that failing. Do I make myself clear?" Gina asked, the last part somewhat of a rhetorical question. Nonetheless Kerry replied with a faint 'yes' and got on her way.

On course to the patrol car she passed Smithy's office, at the sight of her Smithy sprang out of his office like a lion set free from a cage,

"Kerry" He said in a caring voice as he touched her arm.

"Smithy I have to go" Kerry replied, turning around to see Gina standing behind her watching her like a hawk.

Brushing off Smithy's arm by slinking out of the slight grasp she carried on walking into the direction of the back yard.

"Smithy. A word please, in my office"

There you go folks, the first chapter of my new fic 'A Cold Awakening'. As much as I like Gina I thought I would have her playing a different role in this fic as it seems to fit better and I suppose it has parallels between what actually happened. Hope you like please R+R you Kerry/Smithy fans even just to tell me you exist. This place is getting far too Sam/Phil'afied for my liking.

xx


	2. Chapter 2

**A Cold Awakening**

**Chapter Two**

Once again a familiar feeling rose in her throat as she rushed to the toilet. All other symptoms of a hangover had gone so why was she feeling so ill again?

Her home phone rang as she retched down the toilet; after composing herself she slowly walked to the phone while cuddling her stomach.

"Hello" she said faintly, followed by another retching sound,

"Kerry where are ya' if your not here in ten minutes Gina will kill you. Look yesterday I wanted to talk to you, about the other night.." But Before Smithy could finish Kerry cut in.

"Smithy don't, I made a fool of myself ok it's hard enough without you talking about it." She said while rubbing her stomach, something didn't feel right and she was certain it wasn't because of the other night.

"No im sorry I shouldn't have kept on accepting sex from you all of the time" He said in a quieter tone, being careful so that no one heard his secrets.

"You make it sound like I'm some hooker Smithy" Replying in a slightly annoyed tone towards him.

"I didn't mean it like that Kerry, it's just that I'm worried about you and you don't deserve to be treated the way I've treated you." He sighed before carrying on.

"Look I'm gonna have to go because I can see Gina, I'll call you back"

Just as Smithy went to put down the phone he heard a disgruntled Kerry say 'Don't bother'.

"Smithy I need you down Sun Hill Clinic there's been an arson attack" Gina said while peeping her head around the corner.

Grabbing his coat and phone in one hand he quickly close the door behind him and Gina.

In the car Smithy was silent, appearing to be concentrating on his driving but Gina knew exactly what was going on far too well.

"Has Kerry spoken to you? Only she isn't in and she hasn't reported it to June or me so im guessing she chose to ring you." Gina enquired, even though she knew she probably wouldn't get the truth.

"No ma'am you told her to stay away from me remember, and she has" Angered by Gina's previous orders over his relationship with Kerry he continued to look ahead attempting to be detached from the situation.

Gina just shook her head and looked away from him, Kerry had twisted Smithy around her little finger that was for sure and it was time for Gina to loosen that grasp.

"Don't think I'm being harsh Smithy but you've got a bright future in the MET and that's something I can't say Kerry has. Maybe a few years ago she might have but not now."

"And don't you ever wonder why she has changed, don't you ever want to find out? To talk to her about it?" His face was flushing red at the sheer annoyance of Gina and so many questions he wanted to pose to her but it was clear it wouldn't get him anywhere.

"She had the same opportunities as everyone else at the station Smithy and she chose to ignore that and just mess her life up. Perhaps she's happy going nowhere but you're different to her Smithy." Every time she spoke she tried harder to persuade him that Kerry was a waste of space but it seemed as if Smithy was set in his ways.

The car came to a halt as they reached Sun Hill Clinic but Smithy hadn't finished,

"Yeah I am different to her Gina because I want her to achieve something with her life even if she feels it isn't worth anything, is that so wrong to believe; is that so wrong to want? Is it?"

" I do hope we aren't going to be this unpleasant all day, ill accept that outburst but anymore and that's it." Gina pursed her lips and cursed Kerry inside her head; why couldn't he see?

She stared at her calendar; it had been eight weeks why hadn't she realised? Cursing herself she pulled it off the wall in a blind rage and sobbed, screwing it into a heap she threw it onto the floor. She didn't feel the way she had felt before: warm inside, extremely happy and bouncy. Instead those feelings were replaced by a coldness, she felt detached and felt anger towards the life growing inside her; it reminded her of the things she couldn't have. She couldn't be happy, she didn't deserve Smithy or his child and she knew instantly that she had to do what was best for it. She could either ignore it and hope it would go away or get rid of it before it got out of hand.

Short chapter but I have little motivation at the moment for FF xx


	3. Chapter 3

**A Cold Awakening**

**Chapter Three**

Walking inside the clinic brought back memories of her past that she had tried to forget, it had seemed as if her life had turned full circle. First the happiness, then the impact of it being cruelly snatched away. Deep down she knew that what she was doing was wrong, Smithy deserved to know but circumstances just couldn't allow for that.

The seats were hard, even though they were made from foam and the material was scratchy but she was too preoccupied to care. From the corner of her eye she saw what appeared to be the back of Smithy, was her mind being cruel to her; dragging up guilt? She saw a pile of magazines next to her so in a bid to disguise her she turned her attentions to the many varieties. Unfortunately it appeared that her efforts were in vain. Smithy had spotted her.

His heart was telling him to go over but his mind knew that Gina would clock on; instead he subconsciously kept one eye on her, seeking out the best moment to leave the conversation. He did not have to wait long before a nurse walked over to Kerry and ushered her down a corridor, taking his chances he duly followed them being careful not to raise suspicion. Just as he was about to take his opportunity to speak to her the nurse noticed him,

"Is everything Ok, if you're looking for where the arson took place its towards the front of the building" She spoke so innocently but Kerry and Smithy both knew otherwise.

"Erm no I was just trying to find the toilet" He replied, while all the time his eyes burned into Kerry.

"Its just on you left" She smiled before opening the adjacent door for Kerry.

Acknowledging her reply he walked into the toilet and waited, while all of the time looking out through the frosted glass. After five minutes a silhouetted figure walked out of the room. It was the nurse. In his mind Smithy knew exactly why Kerry was there but he couldn't admit it to himself, how could she be so stupid?

….

"Kerry?" His voice sounded meek and his tone confused,

Looking up from the grey lino she stared at him, the pill in one hand and the glass of water in the other.

Just his facial expressions suggested he was crushed by what she was about to do and an icy blade hit her in the heart. How could she have been so selfish?

"Im sorry Smithy" Too guilty to look she stared at the same spot as before.

"It…its not late Kerry we can make it work," He begged with her not to go through with it but her face told a different story.

" How can we? What kind of parents would we be?" She spoke, her tone pessimistic.

"Good ones" He pleaded.

"No we wouldn't. I cant keep my knickers on for two seconds, hence why im here and live for work not for a family. This baby would have had a horrible life and its too late Smithy." Not one tear was shed, just bitterness seeping out through her lips.

"It would have love and that's the most important thing and its not to late Kerry please"

"Its way too late Smithy, it was too late before it happened and its certainly too late now. You have to go Smithy. Now" Towards the end her voice became sharper and her volume rose.

It seemed Smithy still didn't understand, but it was about to become clear for the evidence was seeping out.

Clutching her stomach she winced in pain, for it was a feeling she had experienced before.

"Kerry what's going on? Do you want me to get someone?" Still not understanding Kerry knew it was about time to put him straight.

"No. It's too late because I've already taken the pill, im having an abortion. You must go."

Smithy couldn't understand why she was being like this it just wasn't Kerry.

"So I don't get a say at all, you can just take away my chid without even asking me or telling me" His face appeared red and aggressive.

She may have been in pain but Kerry could see that Gina's dictation of hers and Smithy's relationship had overstepped the line.

"Ask Gina, she's the one pulling the strings in this relationship. Think about this baby Smithy, forget about our feelings because they don't matter. Right now there was no way either of us could bring up a child, perhaps we aren't meant to be and Gina's right but im not bringing a child into the world only to find out we aren't. Im sorry" She cried in pain, this time it was more intense.

Walking over to her he softened his voice,

"No im sorry Kerry I shouldn't let her dictate how I should live my life, I love you and I should have told you it long ago but I guess im saying it now."

She smiled through the pain, those three small words she had waited years for had finally been said.

"If you love me then you will understand why I've done this. I had to."

"I know and im sorry for making you feel that you had to. Its Ok now though, give me your hand."

And with that she did…

* * *

Ive decided to make this a short fic and that is the end chapter but im planning a spin off and for that you will have to wait and see. But lets celebrate for I have finished my first ever fic and I started writing over a year ago!!!!!!! 


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